Stand Back
by Dark Spell
Summary: There are consequences to every action, she's determined to make him know that. [Paige-centric] R
1. My Nightmare

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the 80's song which the fic was named after. I also do not own the main plot line (Paige's rape trial) since The Ghost In The Machine parts 1 & 2 has already been written and filmed. I do however, own parts of the plot line and some of the material in the story.**

_It's around eleven pm, rain is pouring outside, making a loud pitter-patter on the roof while occasional sounds of thunder echo throughout the sky. I'm lying on my bed, trying to finish up my last bit of English homework before calling it a night. I was writing the final part of my composition on Greek playwrights in history when suddenly the power went out. It didn't really phase me, there's a storm outside, it happens. After gathering the homework spread out on my bed, I drop it on the ground, hearing the quick thud that follows. Falling back onto my bed, I pull the thick covers over my shoulder and attempt to reach the peaceful state of unconsciousness most people know as sleep. But then a bone-chilling voice calls out to me, saying just two words, but the words are more horrifying than I can believe. _

_"Hey Spirit." The voice calls in a sly kind of way._

_It's a mans voice, but not just any man, it's him... I know it's him, it's the same voice that I spoke to back in grade 9 and even now, when I'm supposed to be over it I'm as scared as I was then, maybe even more so._

_A flash of lightning outside lights up my room for a quick moment, revealing the face I never wanted to have to see again. He's leaning in a corner of my room, how he got there I'll never know. But the fact that he's here, in the home I'm supposed to feel safe in makes me want to scream, cry, do anything that others might here, but for some reason I can't. I feel frozen, like the day I saw him sitting at the table in Degrassi, smiling his evil little intimidating smile and nodding his head like he was planning on killing me if I said a word._

_He stands up, walking towards me, I hear his footsteps grow close and soon I can feel him standing over me. I know he's looking at me, he's probably grinning, I can't tell though, everything is so dark, I can hardly see the covers I have resting on top of me._

_"Did you miss me Spirit?...." He asks, it almost seems like he's laughing, I can see practically see him grinning, damn him. _

_I want to scream, I want to let him know how much of a bastard I think he is and how much I despise him. I'm trying to be brave, I want so much to feel strong and lash out at him, to make him feel as scared of me as I am of him. But I can't, I can only manage a soft plea._

_"Please Dean, leave me alone..." I feel my eyes begin to water, tears sliding down my cheek, I wish I weren't so scared, but I'm terrified of him._

_"Come on Spirit, we've had fun, you know I'd never hurt you..." He chuckles afterward and leans over me, stroking my hair. Suddenly, I feel the urge to slap his hand away, but once again my fear overwhelms me and I can only lay there in the dark, praying he'll just leave me alone._

_He doesn't, instead he sits down on the edge of my bed, leaning even further over me. He stays there for a few moments, continuing to stroking my hair, then he moves over me, until he's sitting on top of me. My breathing grows heavier until I finally call out at the top of my lungs, trying to find enough air. Then he slaps me. Hard. My voice dies in my throat as a stinging sensation comes over my cheek. I begin to cry silently again, I attempt to sit up only to be thrown back down by him again. I want him to stop, to leave me alone. His hands find their way to my neck, applying pressure as they close around. _

_"D--Dean....Please... Let me g...." I gasp for air, as I sink into my pillow as he squeezes my neck harder._

_"You thought you tell on me and get away with it, didn't you Spirit?.... Guess again." He leans his face down to where it's only an inch away from mine, I can see his eyes, glowing menacingly in the dark. _

_Lightning once again lights up my room, I see his face leering right in front of mine. It's hard to believe I once wanted him, I was so stupid. If I hadn't been such a stuck up hag in grade 9 maybe none of this would have happened, I wouldn't have known what the word fear really means and he wouldn't be here, in my room, sitting on top of me, slowly suffocating me with his hands. _

_Finally, I'm growing dizzy, I know it's from loss of air. I'm beginning to slip away, the room is growing hazy, all I can see clearly is his face, even though it's pitch black again, the image is still there. I'm all alone, I know I'm going to die, it's only a matter of moments before I'll be gone from the world, I'll only be a memory. He's squeezing harder, he knows it'll be over soon and he's grinning because of it. He's winning now, I'll never be able to make him pay, I hate him._

_"Goodbye Spirit." He whispers in my ear._

_I take my last few attempts for air, but it's too late. Everything's swirling, I close my eyes, it's all ending now...._

I sit up instantly, cautiously glancing around the dark corners of my room, searching for any trace of **him. **I'm breathing heavily, my entire body seems covered in a layer of cold sweat and my mind is panicking. Then it hits me, it was just a dream...no, a nightmare, another one. Lately it seems like I can't get a night of sleep without visiting him in my dreams. I've tried everything to make him go away, nothing's worked, it seems like his image has become a permanent part of my constant nightmares.

I guess you could say I'm nervous, okay, really nervous, oh screw it all, I'm panicking. Tomorrow is the day I'm supposed to go into court and take the stand against Dean, the Bardell sports hero who raped me almost two years ago. The worst part is, I don't even know if he's going to go to jail or not, even if I spill my heart out about what happened the jury could still consider him innocent, which is completely unfair. I want him to pay for what he did to me, I want him to be scared, but most of all, I want the world to know how much of a bastard he is.

It's weird, I don't want everyone to know that I, Paige Michalchuk, the most popular girl at Degrassi Community School was raped---but at the same time, I want those same people to know what he did to me, to look upon his with scorn and hate and associate him with the words jackass and rapist, like I do.

Everyone is coming to support me tomorrow, Hazel, Spinner (I don't know what I'd do without him), Ashley, Marco, Dylan and my parents. I just hope I don't let them down, it's my one shot and if I miss...Dean won't just be in my nightmares.

**A/N: I decided to finish this up and post it before going back to finish up chapter 6 to my other fic. Let me know what you think, reviews are nice. Criticism is welcomed as long as it's constructive.**


	2. The Meaning of Fear

I didn't go back to sleep last night, it was probably for the better anyways. I didn't have to worry about seeing him once again, but now I have to. It's hard for me to believe that I'll have to face him today, not in a dream, but in reality, which is ten times worse.

My mom is calling me now, I don't feel like answering. I wish I could just lie here forever, or at least for the rest of today. I don't want to face him, I've seen him in my nightmares too many times. In real life it'd probably be worse. So much worse.

"Paige, honey, you need to get up." I blinked. There, standing in the frame of my door stood my mother. I must have seriously zoned out, usually I could hear her making her way up the stairs...

"Come on honey, get dressed. You have a long day ahead of you." Her voice went from encouraging, to grim---all in one breath. I nodded, hoping she'd just turn and head back downstairs. I know I probably shouldn't be saying that, especially on today of all days, but for now, I just want to be left alone. At least for a little while, if possible.

Luckily, my mother gave me the assuring smile she'd been giving me as often as possible since the trial date was announced and headed back downstairs. Sighing, I glanced at my clock. 7:53 am glowed in bright red numbers. Knowing we had to be at the courtroom by ten, I pulled myself out of bed and began my morning routine of showering, getting dressed and applying my makeup. I moved at a snail's pace. Fuck.

Eventually I finished and stopped in front of my mirror for a glimpse at the end result. Frankly, in comparison to my usual standards I looked like crap. There were dark bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep, my makeup was blotchy in some places and smeared in others and my hair just didn't seem to want to cooperate. Usually these things were a piece of cake to deal when I was Paige Michalchuk, the confident, strong and popular Degrassi fashion officer. But today I wasn't that Paige Michalchuk, I wasn't confident, I wasn't strong.... I was worried and panic-consumed, but most of all I was scared. Dead scared.

I didn't want to have to face him again, not now. The year and a half that had passed since I had last seen him had been amazing, I didn't want to ruin it now by having to spend the day sitting only feet away from my worst nightmare....my rapist.

Memories came flooding back to me, the night of the party, the darkness of his friends room, those leering eyes always focused on me... The images ran through my head like some screwed up video tape, one that I just couldn't turn off. Soon, it got to the part where he was on top of me, forcing me into the pillow. My mind showed him leaning over me, grinning darkly as I let out muffled screams. No, I called out. Please stop, I pleaded. He seemed immune to my desperate cries to stop.

I blinked, the movie had ended. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, leaving wet stains behind them. I was breathing heavily again, just like the night before, with my mind in full panic mode. I had just relived my grade 9 terror, right here in my own bedroom.

Clutching my knees to my chest, I rocked back and forth, letting all the tears that had welled up fall from my eyes. Why was I doing this? Breaking down again when I was supposed to be over this. But for some reason, the pain that bastard caused me those two years ago had resurfaced in my mind and the tears just wouldn't stop.

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Later, after I had no more tears to cry and had calmed my self down, after fixing up my make up to where it was at least decent looking and making several attempts at doing my hair. I slowly made my way down the stairs, inching closer to my next encounter with _him_.

I sat down at the kitchen table, like I did every morning. Dylan was sitting down in his usual place across from me, wolfing down his bacon and eggs like there was no tomorrow. He glanced up at me and smiled encouragingly before returning to his breakfast. I simply stared at the wooden table surface in front of me, my mind wandering to the nightmare I had had last night. It had been so...real.

Would that be the outcome if I failed today? Would he find me and slowly suffocate me with his bare hands....in my own room? Oh God, he'd find me...

I was brought back to reality by the sound of my mothers voice.

"Here Paige. Eat up, you'll need your strength." Her voice seemed to be straining to sound encouraging.

I looked down at the food she had placed in front of me, it was a mix of my breakfast favorites, eggs, bacon and toast. But for some reason I just wasn't hungry. The aroma of the food didn't smell delicious, only nausiating. So I just picked at my food, using my fork to move the eggs back and forth across the plate.

I glanced up from my activity to my mother, who was standing by the frying pan, watching me. She gave me a disapointed look but didn't say anything, returning to make more scrambled eggs for Dylan, who had already finished his huge helping. My brother is such a pig.

Eventually, it was time to go. We had to pick up quite a few people before heading off to the courthouse and for that I was thankful. The past two weeks it had taken alot for me to muster up the courage to talk about the trial, even if it was only to ask a select group of my friends to attend.

My mother grabbed the keys to the minivan and headed out to the garage to start the car. I grabbed my coat and began to follow her, but was stopped by Dylan. I was surprised when he wordlessly pulled me into a rough hug. It was awkward, but at the same time welcome. He pulled back and put his hand on my shoulder, gripping it gently in a brotherly sort of way.

"Don't worry about today Paige, everything'll be fine. Trust me." He gave me another smile before turning and heading out to the car. I stood in the hallway for a few moments, letting his words sink in. My mom honked the horn from the garage, and called for me to come. I straightened out my coat and entered the garage, praying to God my brother's words would end up true...

Dylan had grabbed shotgun leaving me with my choice of the five available back seats. I took the one with an armrest and a window behind my mother, so she couldn't send me occasional worried glances that made me feel like our effort would be in vain. It was glances like those that made me just want to crawl under my covers and die.

On the way to pick up Hazel, I noticed my mother was driving slow. Very slow. We seemed to inch along the road, letting every car that came up behind us pass without a fuss. At first it didn't bother me, I knew that she was dreading going to court just as much as I was. But then it became aggravating, to be honest, I don't know why it bothered me that much in the first place. I was the one who dreaded the thought of court the most, I was the one who just wanted to crawl under my covers and die, I was the one who had to come face to face with my nightmare. But I also knew I was the one who had to take the stand against him, the only one who could put him somewhere he belonged------behind bars.

"Mother, speed up the damn car." I found myself saying. Dylan glanced back at me, his eyes widened in shock that I, his angelic little sister had said that to mom. Someone not even he had ever dared to cross. I simply stared back at him, too aggravated and afraid of what my mother would do to care about him and his shocked glances right now.

Surprisingly, my mother didn't reply. But moments later I felt the engine rev as she sped up. I sighed in relief, and returned to looking out the window, watching the world pass by. We arrived at Hazel's in a matter of minutes, she got in and we were off again. Fortunately, silence filled the van, I didn't really feel like talking right now. We continued to pick up Ash, Marco (Dylan's idea) and finally Spinner.

Spin took the remaining seat to my right. He didn't give me an encouraging smile like the others had, instead he looked at me, a determined expression on his face. For some reason this was comforting. It seemed like he was telling me that he'd do anything for me and protect me if the trial didn't turn out the way we were hoping.

Once everyone was situated inside, my mother sped off, heading to the courthouse. No one said anything. The silence was eerie. I could tell it was making Hazel, who was used to a friendly and talkative environment uncomfortable. But I didn't really care.

The car ride was long. It seemed like time had stopped still, that we were simply going to drive on for eternity. Figures. When I just want to get to the courthouse (even though I'm dreading it), it seems to take forever. At least I had Spin. Halfway through he did this really sweet thing. He took his hand and softly held the hand I had left on the armrest. The smooth texture and warmth of his hand eased some of my worries and made the drive worthwhile. Not to mention seeing the occasional flirty looks exchanged between Dylan and Marco---priceless! I have to admit, I felt better as the car carried on. My spirits lifted a bit as I temporarily forgot about where we were headed.

But then the car stopped and the courthouse appeared outside the window. My stomach dropped.

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My mother killed the engine and we all sat there for a moment, taking it all in.

"We're here..." She muttered, breaking the silence as she put the keys in her purse.

_Well Obviously_, I couldn't help but think, it took some will power to keep me from saying it aloud. I looked around at the different passengers, everyone was exchanging nervous glances. I just stared at the back of the drivers seat, avoiding all the glances I could feel being sent my way.

Finally, Spin opened the door and we all piled out of the van. The courthouse looming in front of us like a castle, with a moat of parking spaces and guards dressed in police officer uniforms. I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn't want to have to face him, I **never** wanted to have to face him. But I reluctantly ended up walking through the front doors of the courthouse, followed closely by the friends that had taken time off from their weekends to come and support me.

The inside was cold. Like the inside of the SAT testing rooms, where they drill endless questions into you. The only difference was, _those _questions were on paper.

My mother had a hurried conversation with a nearby officer and then reported back to us.

"Apparently we're a little early. We have about 15 minutes, so make yourselves comfortable." She explained, by her tone it was obvious she was worried. Then she looked over at me, "Paige, honey, I'm going to go and try to find your father. He should have arrived from work by now. I'll be back shortly."

And with that, my mother turned and hurried down a long hallway, leaving us to stand amongst ourselves and wait. Hazel, being quite the conversationalist began a detailed conversation on the latest screw up of Heather Sinclaire. Usually I'd be pretty interested in this (anything for a chance to humiliate that bitch), but after Hazel had begun to tell the tale, I felt a hand gently grip my arm and tug me apart from the group.

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Spinner pulled me aside, away from everyone else and brought me into an empty hallway. At first I was confused, wondering why the hell he'd brought me here. But then he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me in a loving hug. I instantly melted in his arms. It felt so safe, like no one could ever hurt me again. I wanted this feeling to last forever, to just leave all my fears behind and stay in this warm embrace for the rest of time.

We stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, just holding each other. I didn't want anything to break the fairytale scenario we were sharing. But moments later an anxious looking woman probably in her mid-30's, wearing a freshly-ironed police uniform tapped me gently on the shoulder. I turned to her and by the way she looked at me I knew what she was going to say. It was time.

"Paige, you need to come with me. The trial's about to begin."

In that one line, with the knowledge of what I was about to do and the fact that I was going to have to see _him _again, I knew the real meaning of a word I had used countless times before. It had been used usually when Spin had been trying to get me to ride a scary roller coaster with him (like there's any chance in hell I'd ride one of those things), or Dylan convinced me to watch House on Haunted Hill or some other scary movie with him in the dead of night or when Hazel and I talked about the repulsive things they had done on the newest episode of Fear Factor. But now that I was really experiencing the true meaning, all the others seemed stupid and trivial in comparison to the example I faced now. Now I knew its real meaning of the one word that could describe this feeling I was experiencing.

Fear.

**A/N: Thought this was a one-shot eh?... Nah, just took a little while to get the next chapter (ok, a long time). I have some plans for this baby.**

**Let me know what you think, I'm open to constructive criticism and opinions.**

**A thanks to TwentyFirstCenturyHippieChick, danneell14 and ShootingStar238. I really appreciate the reviews.**

**WritingIsMyDream: Wait and see.. ;)**

**Goth-girl2: It is a word, it's on at least. Thanks, I hope this chapter made up for the long wait. **

**Extra:**

**Paige may seem overly moody in my stories, but after watching Shout again I decided it was better than having her moping the entire time. For those of you who haven't already noticed, there will be some Paige/Spinner romance in this story, but not too much. Considering this is a fic about the trial and all, but I'm portraying him the way I think he'll act in Ghost In The Machine. Oh, and I decided against having Paige's mother use the whole accent thing Paige imitated in I Want Candy... I'm too lazy to go back and attempt to make everything she says have an accent.**

**I'm busy working on a Craig story, so it might be a week or so before I update again. **

**I'm going to be French for a moment...**

**Au revoir pour le moment.**


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